Crossroads

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Recently I’ve been thinking more and more about what I really want to do in life. It’s not that I don’t like what I’m doing (and as if I have the luxury to pursue my passion), it’s just that I want a lot of things and staying where I am will not help me achieve my goals.

Perhaps it’s all part of growing up. Suddenly I find myself wanting things which used to be at the bottom of my list. As I grow older, the pressure from my folks continue to intensify more and more. They expect me to do things that I feel are beyond what I am capable of and most of the time I feel that our relatives are watching my every move. Seriously, all this crap makes it harder and harder to breathe (figuratively).

Then there’s this issue about settling down. People expect me to already think of getting married at this age, especially when they find out that I am in a long-term relationship. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s not that I’m not thinking about it (God knows I already have a top secret wedding-themed Pinterest folder lying around somewhere). If truth be told, I am willing. However, this matter is beyond my control. I can’t propose to myself, can I? Moreover, I cannot force the other party to take a step that he’s not ready to make. It’s not even a question about love and commitment. It’s about priorities and stability and, I guess, the willingness to let go of freedom.

All these things make me think more about working abroad. Honestly, I have this fancy-sounding job but the money I earn is disappointing. Wait, scratch that. I earn a lot prior to taxes. What kind of government requires a person to pay 32% tax?! And this freaking government cannot even provide decent public transportation! Screw it, you won’t even find a decent public toilet in this city.

So anyway, let me stop myself from writing an endless tirade about how incompetent and corrupt our government is because one blog entry is not enough. Where was I? Oh yes, the working abroad thing. Perhaps I should ignore my reservations and just try. There’s no harm in trying, after all. Sometimes I feel that nothing will happen to me if I stay here.

I know that this post is somewhat contrary to how I usually am (basically a unicorn farting rainbows) but do forgive me for having a human moment. There are times when I let reality slap me in the face and kick me in the gut, I just don’t write about it. However, I feel that it’s about time that my readers also see another side of me because what’s the point of having a blog? I said I wanted this to be some sort of therapy and voilĂ , here it is.

Hoping for happier days,
E xxx

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