Yes, he totally did. I’m not complaining though, because it saved me from having to think of a title.
I spent the past few months focused on my new job because I felt that I needed to prove something. I wanted to prove that I deserve to be where I am and that I made the right decision to transfer. I was too keen on pleasing everybody that I somehow forgot that I actually have a life to live. I still have no regrets regarding the decision I made, but I am starting to feel the exhaustion of having such a huge responsibility.
Perhaps I have already proven myself to be worthy, but at what cost?
I recently took a 10-day leave from work and guess what, on the first day away from work (but not really, because I still went to the office) my body just gave up. As a result, I was on house arrest for the first five days of my leave because of fever and asthma. I guess I was just so burned out that exhaustion finally took over.
Despite the mandatory leave, I still had to study because I have an upcoming training for some certification at work. I have to take this seriously because 1) the training is expensive; 2) my reputation is on the line; and 3) I need to pass the exam so that I can use the certificate to my advantage outside the four corners of the office (meaning, if and when I finally have the courage to explore greener pastures).
I also feel that my brain is already suffering. Just a month ago, I forgot to take my debit card from the bank’s ATM machine. I didn’t know it was missing until someone called me to inform me that my card was retained. Just a few days after, I used the ATM again. This time, I made it a point to take the debit card from the machine but I forgot to take the money. I spent a few days thinking that I dropped it somewhere only to find out that it wasn’t missing after all. It was so frustrating! I thought that with some rest, I will finally be able to replenish these brain cells of mine…but no. Just earlier today, I realised that I forgot to take my debit card from the cashier in Uniqlo. I went home satisfied with my shopping haul but then the boyfriend and I had dinner and my card wasn’t in my wallet! I wanted to smack my head out of frustration but there’s nothing I could do anymore but to wait until tomorrow to go back to the mall.
This, this whole thing, it’s taking a toll on me. Perhaps I am simply overwhelmed, who knows?
Anyway, as I’ve said countless times before, writing here is some sort of therapy for me. I should try to spend more time writing here than killing my brain cells at work because it’s just pointless. How about once a week? Let’s see.