One of the things that make me happy whenever I check my WP reader is when I find a Daily Prompt topic that interests me.
It enables me to relate details of my life without divulging too much, or sometimes unearth memories that I thought I have long forgotten.
Just take today’s topic as an example. After spending time with a group of people, do you feel energized and ready for anything or do you want to hide in the corner with a good book?
I have always been an introvert. I don’t make friends easily, it takes time before I warm up to people. I don’t have a lot of friends.
When I reached college however, I blossomed (?). I used a question mark there because I’m not so sure whether the “blossoming” thing is good or bad. I guess I just became more confident, more “out there”. I have always loved books, but there were those days that I was ever the social butterfly. Cringe.
I would go to bars, drink with friends, stay awake until the sun rises. That went on until I graduated. Actually, during my first few years in my job, they called me their “Resident Drunkard”. For some reason, they found it adorable, this teenage girl who would drink like a man until she couldn’t remember anything anymore. This teenage girl who would barf everywhere because she had too much. This teenage girl who would always pass out at the end of the night.
I used to enjoy that.
I can’t say “I don’t know why”, because frankly speaking, I know why.
It’s true that alcohol makes you happy. I mean, happy in terms of making you forget. It helps you loosen up. For someone like me who has always been reserved, timid, righteous, oh it felt so good to have the courage to express yourself.
I was unhappy. Damaged.
What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t really damaged. And by living that life, well, I was destroying my life. I’ve been living for what? Nothing. Drinking made me happy, but it was fake. In the morning, when I wake up, I would still be alone. With one hell of a headache, might I add.
Thank goodness I didn’t become an alcoholic or a drug addict, no it didn’t come to that.
I’m glad that I met Cy (the boyfriend). Ever since we became a couple, I rarely go to bars. I limit my alcohol intake because I don’t want to embarrass him. I don’t want to worry him. Somehow, he gave my life direction. He kept me grounded. Most important of all, he made me happy.
So now, I’m back to my old self. This is who I really am. They might call me kill-joy, but I’d rather stay at home and read books than go to bars and other noisy places. I’d rather go to a quiet dinner and have a meaningful conversation with friends. I’d rather stay inside and cuddle with my man.
Spoken like a real,
old grown woman.