Gray Area

I always screw things up.

Everything’s going well, and then BAM! I didn’t even see it coming. Oh, fuck it, I wasn’t even aware that I did anything.

It’s like walking in a meadow, silently enjoying your view, then suddenly a freight train just comes from behind you and hits you hard, you won’t even have time to react.

That’s how I feel right now.

I realized how naïve I can be. I’m too nice for my own good. I don’t know how to fight back, I always think what others would feel before I say anything, I’d rather be inconvenienced than be the bringer of bad news. And I thought I was doing fine, that I failed to realize that others might be affected by my actions (or lack thereof).

I don’t know what to do anymore, it’s like, everything I do is wrong. Good vs bad, black vs white, right vs wrong— I don’t know where I stand anymore. I should be locked up in a tower to prevent me from hurting the people I love.

If I could take everything back, I would. I thought that all throughout these years, I have learned a lot, improved a lot. Well, I guess I still have so much to learn.

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