Weekly Photo Challenge…or not.

I know I’m supposed to post a photo for today’s weekly challenge but I decided not to. I don’t know, I guess I’m just not in the mood for this right now.

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant.

I’m exhausted, as in really exhausted. Yesterday was just beyond crappy. It was one of those days that the universe conspired to make my life hell. Yes, it really was one of those days. I almost broke down at my desk, I swear a tear already fell but by some miracle, I was able to get a hold of myself.

Seriously, I just wanted to tell everyone that they have a complete set of hands and feet, they could freakin’ read and write, so stop burdening me with the things that they can actually do but choose not to because it would be too troublesome for them. I just wanted to shout at a client, to tell her where she can shove her precious money, because she’s not the boss of me. If only I could.

My mood lightened up when I had dinner with my friends (and an impromptu slumber party afterwards). I, however, still felt drained. My body and my brain just won’t cooperate anymore. I had to wake up a little before six in the morning, and it was agonizing. I felt like a zombie— tired, angry at the world, empty. I just wanted to lay in bed, for once I didn’t want to hurry h0me (to my home home, not my fake-home home). Unfortunately, my boyfriend badgered me to leave immediately. I almost cried when he wanted me to just go straight home to my hometown from my friend’s house. (If I didn’t protest, I think he might’ve thrown me into the first bus he sees.)

Argh I’m so exhausted. Even the thought of commuting makes me sick to the core. For sure, my mother will push me to go back to Manila early Monday. It sucks that when I’m in Manila, my boyfriend keeps on pushing me to hurry home…and when I get here, my mother forces me to go back to Manila as early as I could. Fuck the bus, my parents don’t care even if the bus is full and I stand for the whole duration of the trip.

Sick of my self-pitying yet? Don’t worry, this won’t be long. I just needed to vent out all these emotions bottled inside me.

Sometimes I wish I was a bitch. Sometimes I wish I could tell people off and not even be bothered that I might have offended them. How I wish I know how to say NO. Well, technically speaking, I know…I just don’t have enough guts to actually say it. I wish I didn’t have this compulsion to do things right. I wish I cared less.

But then, caring for others and performing well at work are the qualities that set me apart from others.

Should I start living by the saying “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”? The idea is tempting, but I don’t want to be like the others.

Patience, E. Patience.


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