The Evolution Of My So-Called Love Life

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times.

Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once, you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

***

ALMOST BUT NOT QUITE

Once upon a time I fell for a boy who I thought was perfect. I have loved him ever since I was eleven and he was twelve, I have loved him for five years. Now, whenever I think about it…I ask myself, was that really love? Maybe. But I don’t feel it now. I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t know.

Everyone had a crush on him because he was tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, and athletic. He was mysterious and very quiet. He was the epitome of every girl’s prince charming. Ever since we met, we never became close friends because I was too aloof whenever he was around, and apparently he felt the same too.

During the last two years of high school until freshman year in college, we got very close. That was after when he wrote to me, telling me that he wishes that both of us can somehow be at ease with each other. And that he believes that I will be able to conquer my dreams, because he knows that I’m smart and I’m good with everything I do. I realized that he’s been silently watching me and that somehow, we were friends.

We would text each other from the moment we wake up until the wee hours of the morning. We never ran out of things to talk about. Be it corny jokes, life in general, even our hopes and dreams.

My friends always tell me, perhaps he is my soul mate. If ever such a thing exists. Destiny kept on linking us together, despite the fact that I avoid him. Far too many instances have linked us, and we will never be able to shake off that connection.

But here’s the ugly truth: Most soul mates don’t end up with each other. We never did. We never will.

Back in college, we went out. But that was it. Now she’s dating a good friend of mine, and I’m happy for them. I really am.

I don’t know what happened to us, perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. We were almost there, and then suddenly we weren’t.

So near yet so far, almost but not quite.

SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW

If someone would ask me, what is the biggest regret of my life, well…here is the answer: I once fell in love with my best friend.

As Meredith Grey once said, “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross.

Sure, he was this cute boy-next-door that everyone’s crushing on, but I just never saw the possibility of us being together. Never have I ever imagined that we would be involved in something romantic.

I should’ve seen it coming. And when I finally saw it coming, I should’ve stopped it. Right then and there. But I didn’t. I should say blame it on the raging hormones, but that would be very irresponsible of me.

It went on for two and a half years, on and off. On and off. On and off.

Sometimes, you have been with someone for a long time that you think you already know that person inside and out. The truth is, you don’t. I thought I knew him, but it turned out that I didn’t.

I tried my best to keep him, to make it work, even if it meant depression, low grades, deteriorating health. I would cry myself to sleep, and every time I wake up, I would cry some more. I held on to that memory of when he told me he loved me and that I was very important to him, even if it didn’t feel that way anymore.

He did not want it to end, but I got tired. It just had to end. I may have broken my heart and lost my best friend, but I had the sense to save whatever was left of me.

He has a girlfriend now (who looks like me, seriously), and I hope that he’s happy. Because I am now. It took me years, but finally, I am happy. And no, my boyfriend does not look like him.

THE ONE

After my love life crashed and burned, I focused on myself, my studies, and eventually, my career.

I graduated on time, and after one month, I got my first job. That’s where I met him.

We started out as friends, but not too close. We had the same group of friends, we would go out as a group from time to time, but I never really had the chance to know him. Then there was this one time, he and I were left alone inside a cab. He volunteered to bring me home because he did not want to be a third wheel to the two of our friends. I acted like my usual self, bubbly and talkative…little did I know that this childlike behavior was the thing that drew him to me.

A few weeks after, he started courting me. That, I wasn’t aware of. I didn’t know he was courting me until he stated it. I was hesitant at first, because coming from a relationship that was quite traumatic, a new relationship scared the hell out of me.

I took the risk of being hurt again by accepting him as my boyfriend. I’m glad I did. Now we’ve been together for 2 years and 7 months, and still going strong.

Being with him helped me discover who I was and who I want to be. He inspired me to think of my future, and where I want to be. He helps me grow as a person, and he encourages me to go after my dreams.

And I’m just glad that we were friends first before we became a couple, then after we became a couple, that’s when we became best friends.

I would like to think that he’s the one.

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