Nostalgia

A letter I wrote to my boyfriend on our 1st anniversary, October 2010.

Sometimes, you meet someone for the first time and you instantly feel that this certain person will play an important role in your life.

When I first heard your name, you already had my attention. Was it because your name is like a girl’s? Or, was it because of the funny things I hear about you, like the flying kicks and all? I don’t know. But haven’t you noticed? I remember every single detail, even from the first time I heard your name. There’s this attraction, I wasn’t even aware of it. Like I was drawn to you, very unconsciously.

You often tease me that I had a crush on you ever since. Yeah, maybe I did have a crush on you but I was in denial. Haha. Or maybe, I was too stuck on meeting my standards. I really don’t know. I can’t really say that I had a crush on you, but there was something there. Maybe I’m too dense even for my own feelings. Too numb, whatever you call it. But one thing’s for sure. For me, you were not forgettable even from the start.

But I am glad, that you came into my life. I’ve grown up for you. Or because of you. Either way, I’ve improved. I know I still throw tantrums from time to time, but seriously, you changed me. In a very good way. I was too scared to be with anyone, and I didn’t have much self esteem. Well, you may see that I am a confident woman but deep inside, I’m too scared to be with anyone because I was afraid that I am not capable enough of making the person I love stay. I hope that being with you is proof enough that I love you so much that I am willing to take the risk of being with someone even if it scares the hell out of me. And now, I’m not scared anymore. Because I love you, and you love me, and I trust us. I have faith in what we have.

You have always been there for me. Taking care of me when I’m sick. Staying by my side when I got hospitalized, even if you are scared of blood and needles. Calming me down whenever I feel panicky and anxious. Soothing me whenever I cry. Giving me food whenever I’m hungry, or when you feel that I’m hungry. There are so many things that you do for me, and I thank you for that. You’re the best boyfriend in the whole wide world.

I will never regret the time when I decided that I wanted to be your girlfriend. I never will. I wasn’t kidding when I said that you will be my first and last boyfriend. And if ever you ask me to be your wife (in the far far far future) I will not hesitate. Because I love you so much. I could never find anyone as wonderful as you. No one is as clumsy, and creative as you are.

Je t’aime, to infinity and beyond.

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